One of my main weaknesses is the constant confrontations with self-doubt. Maybe it’s caused by the inferiority complex that is engrained into me through years of feeling inadequate in an educational system that praised you on a letter.
A letter that dictated where you’d fall in society, how successful you’d be, and whether or not you’d make anything of yourself. One letter. It didn’t matter how much tutoring I received or mandatory extra help and study hall. The letter always haunted my self worth which in turn created my constant self doubt.
Things are better today.
I found spaces where I can express myself freely that invigorates creativity, strength, and peace. Those spaces come in a form of writing and exercise.
The process of writing allows me to share my thoughts and feelings that I have a hard time expressing verbally. Have you ever noticed that? The fact that writing brings out the soul behind your inner world. Whether be writing on this blog or for The Kū Project, it’s a time where I ground myself and leave feeling better.
The practice of exercise to become stronger and healthier has always been the area that made me feel human, taught me about success, and character. I strongly believe that physical activity tremendously brings out the best in us and creates an energy that becomes contagious.
Self doubt still comes though. I’ve been currently battling with it these days and grounding myself in the spaces that brings me strength are essential to keep me out of wallowing in self pity.
You must find those areas in life that brings you back to being grounded in who you are and what you stand for. Deep down, we all have the strength to overcome. In order to face self doubt, you need to fight it will self-confidence through embracing the spaces that give you confidence.
He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe. –Marcus Aurelius
Every day I am challenged by my internal thoughts of failure or the thought of me not doing enough. It’s the expectation society places on the ability of doing many things at once. Texting someone while talking on the phone to somebody else. Writing an email as you schedule an appointment. Eating food, while taking a picture, while somewhat paying attention to the conversation you are having as you upload a picture to Instagram.
Everything seems to move so fast today that if you don’t keep up to speed, you will be lost. There’s a flood of information punching you in the face every where you go, sometimes you just have to yell at yourself.
To focus on a single task, you are able to give your full self. All your attention, thoughts, and heart are present for that moment which makes the moment even more meaningful and valuable.
The other night I washed the dishes and found myself in the moment. I felt the hot water fall upon my skin. Hot enough to keep my hands moving quickly in and out of the water. I watched as the suds built up on the dishes from the night’s supper. One dish at a time.
At that moment, I became thankful for what those dishes gave me. They were a symbol of nourishment and cleanliness. A chore that many find mind-numbing, I took great pride because of what those dishes served as.
Usually I’d rush through washing the dishes in order to move on to the next task. But rather than thinking or worrying about the next task, I gave my full self to the task in the moment and learned a great deal from it.
I’m sure there are more profound moments than washing dishes. But if a simple task such as washing dishes can have a profound impact on me, just imagine the possibilities of what other moments can bring you – like the embrace from a person you love.